For many years my clients have been asking me to write about ADHD and Sex as we talk about sex in coaching as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity doesn’t stop at the bedroom door.
If we look at ADHD in terms of extremes as we ADHDers often are; so can be viewed ADHD and sex. Meaning I’ve found that it’s ALL or NOTHING. Either there is a ton of sex or none at all; with not much of a grey area in between. Let’s begin by looking at the “ALL” side of ADHD and sex.
Many couples with a partner who had ADHD say that the best part of their relationship is their sex life. But when I dug a little deeper I found that many partners were saying that there was too much sex; and they felt that they would like to find closeness in other ways than sex with their ADHD partners.
Some of my clients were also coming to me saying they thought they were sex addicts. They were finding themselves constantly seeking out multiple sex partners or self pleasuring to an extreme. I found in this set of ADHDers that they used their hyper-focusing abilities to achieve their orgasms and their brains loved the way this felt saying “my brain in this state feels like it’s finally working properly”.
Some clients with high impulsivity kept putting themselves in high sexual risk situations (public sexual activity, no use of condoms) in order for their brains to gain focus. A few clients informed me that socially they felt they had nothing to talk about especially on dates and so they frequently turned to the topic of sex and finding themselves seducing others in order for their brains to focus on a topic of interest that stimulated them.
It is also important to mention that ADHD is a co-morbid disorder (meaning it rarely comes alone). You can find combinations of ADHD and depression, ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), ADHD and dyslexia and so you may also find ADHD and sexual addiction as a combined disorder. Despite its combination I have found that by treating the ADHD the sexual addiction begins to be understood.
Up next is ADHD & SEX Part 2 “NO SEX” side.